It’s not every day a new business opens its doors in town, and today is no exception. But last Tuesday one did! And we here at WWNews are doubly pleased – not only do we have another potential advertiser right next door but there’s someone we can rent the spare carpark to as well. So it’s a warm welcome to political researchers, pollsters and statistical analysts Frognostics Inc.

Headed by CEO Clare Foyins, Frognostics carries out research for businesses, political parties and government organisations who need to know exactly what the common people are thinking, and then works out how to exploit, reframe or twist those perceptions.

“It’s a growth industry,” Clare explains. “In these uncertain times, certainty is king. We have a number of tools at our disposal to gauge the mood of groups of people, or even individuals, and judge their likely responses to issues they may face. Then we can take that data, run it through claude.ai and hey presto, we have a great-looking graphic that the media can use to fill the gaps between ads for hair-loss.”

Asked about the various tools at her disposal, Clare is reluctant to go into specifics. “It’s not just that some are still outlawed by the Geneva Convention,” she says. “Many of our heavy-duty statistical analysis apps are highly commercially sensitive, and we occasionally still rely on old-fashioned methods. If anyone has a cauldron they’re not using, please get in touch.”

Clare is equally cagey when it comes to discussing her clients, although she does hint at some big names. “Some are up to fourteen syllables in length, often hyphenated,” she says with a wink. “And there’s always room for more – syllables and clients. Our door is always open!”

Who knows, WWNews may soon be joining the crowds beating a path to Frognostics’ new office.

Frognostics Inc. is entirely fictitious. Any resemblance to a real polling company is coincidental, and probably flattering.